A Mother's Reflection

I have to admit that I did not take the time that I needed to reflect yesterday. I was busy getting things done. I was on a mission. However, Grayson forced me to slow down after his nap as he woke up extremely cranky and just wanted me to hold him while he watched “Momo” (code for Nemo). As I was sitting there cuddling with him, I was thinking about how deeply I loved my child. I had heard for years that you could never understand love until you were a mom and I doubted that, but now I understand. It’s hard to even put into words the depth of love that I have for my firstborn. I have no doubts that I will love Hope but there is something about my firstborn son that holds such a special and dear place in my heart, even at 18 months old.

As I was pondering that, I thought about what that Friday over 2000 years ago must have been like for Mary. Please don’t hear me say that I think that we should honor Mary or pray to her or to even worship her. I just simply was thinking about what it must have been like to see her firstborn suffering on the cross, to see his body after he had been flogged, bruised, beaten and to top it off to know he was an innocent man. I thought about how I run to Grayson when he bumps his head or gets a “boo boo” on his knee that he wants me to kiss and make better, how I want to scoop him in my arms, wipe the tears and assure him that everything would be ok. I thought about when another kid hits him how I defend my son. I wonder did Mary want to do the same for her son; I imagine she did, but yet all she could do was watch him suffer. I would want to scream “Injustice” or perhaps take it up with Pilate myself. Yet nothing is recorded of her saying a word. All we know is that she was there, that she was close by because Christ told his beloved in John 19:27 “this is your mother” and from that time on the disciple cared for her. How beautiful that he would care for his mom as he was suffering to save the world. She watched until the very end. She was powerless to do anything and Christ said in the garden that he could call on the Father and have twelve legions of angels at his disposal. Yet he chose to drink the cup His Father had given him, he chose to be silent before his accusers, he chose to bear the sins of the world and to die a criminals death so that all of us, including Mary, could have eternal life.

I wonder did the words that Simeon spoke come back to her, “ Then Simeon blessed them and said to Mary, his mother: "This child is destined to cause the falling and rising of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be spoken against, so that the thoughts of many hearts will be revealed. And a sword will pierce your own soul too." Luke 2:34-35

I wonder did she understand the magnitude of what she was seeing, that this was the fulfillment of what the angel told Joseph, “She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.” Matthew 1:21

Regardless of what she thought or felt, it brought new meaning to his suffering as I thought about not only of her letting go, but of the fact that through it all Jesus didn’t even have a mother’s comfort; he walked beside the Father and was upon the cross alone, shamed and despised all out of great love. It gave me an even greater appreciation of all he has done for me.

Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13