Wavering Faith...

I hate to admit, but perhaps you have picked up on it, my faith has been wavering. I have been praying, I have been remembering, but yet in the midst of all of it, my faith has not stood as it should have. Would God really provide this time? Is He really listening? Would I be in temporary housing with a third child? Would I ever have a place to call my own again? Would I like it as much as I have liked this house? Would the Lord give us the wisdom we needed to make a decision? Questions, questions, questions and for months on end all I have heard is one of two things: silence or the word wait.

Ahh, wait - something I stink at. Sit still and wait...double whammy. Yet, that is what the Lord has been whispering to my heart. Wait my child, sit still and know that I am the Lord. Grrrr....the growl is because I am a doer and not much is harder for me than to have my hands tied and to be told to sit, trust and wait. So, I have waited, grumbling at times, patient at others, flailing most of the time, but deep down I knew that until the Lord gives you direction, you do not move. Graceful waiting did not come easy this go round. The refining process at it's finest.

Friday morning was our day to sign over the papers to our house and become tenants for the next three weeks. It was a restless night and as I do most days when I need time to clear my head and think, I got up and went for a run. It's the best quiet time I have as there is no one around to distract me. As I was literally crying out, the Lord brought to my mind about when Abraham went up the mountain to sacrifice His son and as He was worshipping He looked up and saw a ram caught in the bush. It was the Lord saying to me, I want you to worship me and to trust me to provide. I had no idea how quick the provision would come, but knew that the Lord was reminding me that He always provides for His own. His provision would come, even if it was in an unexpected way or in a way that I didn't necessarily like. It was a reminder that even if I lived in temporary housing for a while or for the long haul, that the Lord had provided a place for me to lay my head and a roof to protect me. Could I really be that ungrateful? Well....I can and often times am because I want things MY way. Worship Him for He is good. Worship Jen, despite your circumstances, despite what you want, for this all is passing away. The Lord is good all the time and worthy of our worship and our praise, whether we feel like it, whether we understand Him or not.

Aftger weeks of nothing, I got home from my run to find two listings on HAR. I called my realtor and he scheduled showings for after the closing. J had to go without me as I had a doctor's appointment. He called to tell me I needed to see the house, which I loved. We put a contract on it the next day and to top it off, the family could be out in three weeks as they had already closed on another house. Wow... the timing, the provision.

The house is in move in condition and is five minutes from church, preschool and the park and ride! I couldn't believe it and was ashamed that my faith had wavered so much.